It's so hot...

Published July 26, 2012

Stockton Sentinel

Stockton, Kansas

We’re all in this together, and I believe we all have reached or exceeded our level of tolerance with this extreme heat and drought. I have no right to complain; I spend the majority of my days and nights in air-conditioned comfort. I recognize and appreciate those who work outdoors, and pray for those who do not have cool homes or vehicles.

But this drought is worrisome and frightening. There’s no relief in sight, and we can’t help but worry about how much worse it will get before conditions begin to improve.

As I shuffled through the area newspapers from last week, I noticed several papers had printed some hot weather jokes. The following list has been around before, but it’s worth repeating in an effort to help us “grin and bear it.”

How hot is it in Kansas? IT’S SO HOT in Kansas…

…the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.

…the trees are whistling for the dogs.

…the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

…you can make sun tea instantly.

…hot water comes from both taps.

…you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

…you discover that you really can steer your car with only two fingers.

…you feel chilly when the temperature drops below 90 degrees.

…you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

…you burn your hand opening the car door.

…you break into a sweat the instant you step outside, and it’s only 7:00 in the morning.

…your biggest fear if you’re driving a motorcycle is that you might wreck and cook to death on the pavement.

…you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.

…your potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.

…the cows are giving evaporated milk.

…farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.